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Gionta likes the following books: The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time and Boundaries in Marriage (along with several books on boundaries by the same authors).9. Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through.
Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us, Gionta said.
Gionta suggested starting with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries.
“Build upon your success, and [at first] try not to take on something that feels overwhelming.”“Setting boundaries takes courage, practice and support,” Gionta said.
Also, think about the people you surround yourself with, she said. For instance, if your workday is eight hours a day, but your co-workers stay at least 10 to 11, “there’s an implicit expectation to go above and beyond” at work, Gionta said.
It can be challenging being the only one or one of a few trying to maintain healthy boundaries, she said.
Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and, really, a healthy life. Unfortunately, it’s a skill that many of us don’t learn, according to psychologist and coach Dana Gionta, Ph. We might pick up pointers here and there from experience or through watching others.
We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries.
Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them.
These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”8. If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”Consider seeking support through resources, too.
Again, this is where tuning into your feelings and needs and honoring them becomes critical.7. Gionta helps her clients make self-care a priority, which also involves giving yourself permission to put yourself first.
When we do this, “our need and motivation to set boundaries become stronger,” she said.