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Rory Hennessy: [He and Paul go towards the door, but Rory turns back for a moment] Mr. Carter Tibbits: There's nothin' funny about stealin', son. It's just, my dad's so funny, and I was trying to be funny.
[Stops himself, realizing he's said too much] I think you know where the door is.
C: Referring to rapper Fiddy Cent as "Fifty Cents"?
B: Asking my oldest daughter if that guy I saw her talking to yesterday at school was her boyfriend?
You have other girlfriends, Kyle, and that's fine with me. And then I dumped him and you got him on the rebound which made you popular, then I had a deep relationship with Donny Doyle.
Bridget: Define "sexually active."Kerry: Do you want to be home schooled?
A: Coming to the breakfast table wearing pajamas and black socks? And it's the knowledge that my wife and kids love me that makes it safe for me to wear pajamas and black socks to the breakfast table. Cate: Well of course honey, whatever you want Bridget: Okay well I need 25 from various stages of his life...
Cate: [reading Paul's last article] Okay readers, today we're having a little pop quiz, it's multiple choice, so sharpen your number 2 pencils and put your thinking caps on. Here's a quote: "Dad, you're an idiot." Now, contestants, this was said to me because of which of the following transgressions? Now do you know how many times I called my father an idiot? Because I know that whenever they insult me whether it's a "You're an idiot," "You're a geek," or an "I hate you," an "I love you" isn't far behind.
[a little girl dressed as an angel comes to the door on Haloween accompanied by her father]Angel: Trick or Treat! Paul: Yeah, you may be an angel now, but in a few years you're going to be killing your father! [after Kyle gets off the phone with a girl named Lindsay]Kyle: Uh, Mr. Totally taking me out the loop creating a popularity vacuum and voila?! Bridget: I dunno; it's French, but magicians do it too.
Probably the most meaningful two weeks of my life of my entire life. Do it twice and the hair smells nice-lather, rinse, repeaaattt!